The Complexities of Liquid Integration: A Study in Beverage Racism

The other day an aquantance made the remark that green tea was extra delicious. I found this very highly offensive. Why did he need to specify its greenness? Why are drinks judged by their color? I dream of a day when we will be colorblind when it comes to drinks. The remark got me to thinking. In fact, it inspired a speech. This is fully and completely my own words. I call it my I Have a Dream of Drinks speech. Hearken unto it:

Though we face the beverage-ridden turmoil of today and tomorrow I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the thirsty man’s dream. I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: We hold these truths to be self-evident that all drinks are created equal. I have a dream that one day the sons of tea drinkers and the sons of former tea drink buyers will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. I have a dream that one day our fractured nation, sweltering with the heat of injustice and the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of sanity and…more sanity. I have a dream of a day where every glass of green tea will not be judged by the color of its liquid but by the quality of its substance. I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day when even at Jim Crow’s house, with its vicious tea-racism, his lips dripping with the words of herbal and poo — one day right there in his yard, little green tea boys and green tea girls will be able to join hands with little white milk boys and orange orange juice girls as sisters and brothers. I have a dream today! I have a dream that one day every tea leaf shall be exalted and every dry field shall flow with honey and non-alcoholic wine and Pepsi will live in unity with Coke and the water shall turn into Gatorade.

And so let all drinks flow from the prodigious hilltops of the world. Let them flow from the mighty mountains. Let them flow from Nashville to Indiana to Kauai to Japan to wherever we may be. From every mountainside let every tea under heaven flow. And when this happens, when we allow every drink to flow and fill from every cup and every glass and mug and every sippy cup we will be able to speed up that day when every man and woman and child, green and white and brown and pink, and thick and thin will be able to join tastes and say something like: Drinks at last! Drinks at last! Thank God Almighty we have (non-alcoholic) drinks at last!

What say ye my friends? What is your opinion on this matter?

In friendship,
Benjamin Lloyd Plunkett

We hear much from Benjamin Lloyd about a new drink policy of reform and acceptance.  Are these the beginnings of profound changes in the world? Or are they token gestures, intended to raise false hopes throughout the nations, or to strengthen the Plunkett system without changing it? We welcome change and openness; for we believe that drink and acceptance go together, that the advance of libation liberty can only strengthen the cause of good times. There is one sign Benjamin Lloyd can make that would be unmistakable, that would advance dramatically the cause of freedom of drink.

Benjamin Lloyd Plunkett, if you seek drink unity, if you seek inclusion for all drinks in all the world, if you seek true drink equality: Come here to this gate! Mr. Plunkett, open this gate! Mr. Plunkett, tear down this wall!

With deep respect,

Listen to me, brethren; hearken unto my voice: It pains me to hear you question my undying sincerity. I thirst; I thirst in a dry and thirsty land. What wall would you have me demolish? O so specifically, what wall must fall before we see the need of a unified tea market? I long for that day in which we may join coffee to hot chocolate. I yearn for that day that we may throw off our yoke and rival the Boston Tea party in our proactive zealousness for the things related to tea and its relations. 

In peace,
Benjamin Lloyd Plunkett

What wall? Oh this wall is monstrous. It is nefarious. It is comprised of all manner of unseemly and wanton half truths, distortions, and fabrications. It is a wall so deadly in its charms, so seductive in its allure that it has bested even you, oh exalted Plunkett. Perhaps you forget those convictions that you once proclaimed so clearly, to any with ears to hear. Perhaps you refuse to remember your stalwart defense of our most sacred and cherished beliefs. Perhaps you did forget, but not me! I refuse to succumb to the siren song of the Camellia sinensis. Your love of the tea leaf has clearly slowed your mind. Arise dear brother! Hearken to my warning: If you confess your sin of “Teaification” you will be forgiven and restored to your rightful place among the brethren.

In brotherly love,



This blog will be the collective work of a few friends.  The names and faces will change from time to time, but one thing will remain constant: Variety…and me.  I guess that means two things but one of those things was more of a joke so it really shouldn’t count.  I’ll let you be the judge of which one was the joke.

What’s the point of this blog and why should I follow it? Good questions and I am afraid that I don’t have very good answers. The point is to give me a place to dialogue with my friends. You should follow it because we are awesome. And because we might make you laugh, cry, yell, think, love, embrace all that is good in life and generally become a better person. Most of those things are true and all of those things are mostly true. Honest.

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